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Greetings from cold Colorado

Hehe, yes it is cold as heck. But it's all good. I had all this stuff I wanted to mention and instead I find myself just staring at the screen. Haha wow. This is sad to admit but I'm still half asleep. I know, I know don't geld me. I one in the afternoon and I just woke up at 12:30. Sad, very sad. But oh, well ay? What can you do. Gotta work from 4:30 to 11:30...gah I hate this shift. It's the worse and it just lags on and on and on and on.....and you get the point.

Oooo almost forgot to mention that I am working at Wally World now as a cashier....sweet I know and I'm permanant....even better. Which means I wont be let go. It scared me when I went to my second interview and Lowell(he the assisstant manger over front end) was like I don't know if you'll be the permanant one or if you're one of the seasonal, temps. So he called to April(who is actually really sweet and totally awsome....probably was just really busy that day. Personell office is insane sometimes) and she verified that I'll be permanant! Which is sweet beans. So my first day was Nov. 20th. Awsome I know. Much better hours!!! I'm getting 8.40 an hour which is a little bit under what I made at Petco but it's all good. With the hours I'm getting I have big paychecks which rocks!

I have a friend that wants to move out. I've mentioned her in here before, Myreda. I've been hanging out with her and her sister a lot lately, which I like. I've known them forever. But anywho, she wants to move out, so whenever she's ready, lol, neither of us really have the money to do it know, I told her that I would be ready to go. Haha. Papa will be happy. Yup, I still live with the rents, though Mama is in Kansas where they will be moving when they put the house here up for sale. That's really why I hope that we will be moved out before then, cause I really don't want to be homeless. It would totally rue the day. It's one thing to be homeless by yourself, but I have my snake Disa, and that would not be good. I ain't sellin her for nothing....okay so I would probably be forced to if that happened, granted I could offord her food, but I would have no way to heat her cage. But we won't think about that, we'll think happy thoughts.

And I should probably go get ready for work. Bah I just want to go crawl back under the covers and curl up. Alright, Alright I'm gone now.
So there isn't that much to update about. Just been working and hanging out with the girls whenever I can. Still trying to get my grip on everything as far as Therian goes. I know that this is going to be a long journey and that it only just began when I stumbled across some things here on LJ and realized that, that very well, could be what I am. I know it's only been about six months and it's going to take a lot more time than that. But I feel like I've come a long way since June. Then I barely new that much about it, was still new and I know that it might have been really easy to tell lol. It's okay you can admit it. I've even been researching other animals besides wolf. Though from the research that I have done it's starting to lean more towards White Timber Wolf than Arctic Wolf like I had previously thought. Though that is alright with me. I do want to go through at least a few more animals that I had in mind before I stick with that. Never can be too sure you know? I know that when I come to the one that is me it'll jump out at me and I'll be like "Aaahaaa!"

Right now Im still getting used to everything. Before I didn't know about it, just thought that some of the things I did were little quirks. Now that I have found out about Therianthropy I at least now that some of it has to do with what I am. To my friends they'll always be quirks at least until I have found a better sense of what I am. But even then it might be a while, I might still be afraid to tell them. Don't ask me why but I just know that they'll be weirded out when I tell them that Im a wolf(or whatever I might be). Im gonna go out on a limb and say they'll freak. I said it before and Im gonna say it again, I really need some Therian friends here in Colorado. *sighs* It's lonely all by myself. But oh well, stop whining lol.

Well enough about that. Hopefully I will have a new job here soon. Petco is just not giving me the hours I need. Though I will miss working with the people there. For the first time I was able to work with people I like. I remember when my manager Lisa first called me...back in Feb....I got off the phone and was like "She Rocks!" She has a similar personality and humor to mine. I absolutly adore her. Another thing I'll miss is play with the squeak toys. LoL I earned the nickname squeaks. I'm sorry I just can't help it. Everytime I'm in the dog toy isle I just have to play with the toys lol. I know what your going to say and Dog is one of the animals I'm going to check out...I'm soooo not looking forward to that. You know there is something like 300 AKC breeds and not to mention the ones that AKC hasn't yet recognized. So that one might take a while lol.

Okay well that was rude. So I just called Wal-Mart to see if they had been able to check up on my refrences. I had my first and second interview on Monday and they said they would call either yesterday or today. So I called just now to see whats up. April said she wasn't in the office so she couldn't check, so she asked for my number to call me. I gave it to her and then the bitch hung up with out verifing it or even saying good-bye. Ugghhh I hate rude people makes me want to hit em, or bite 'em or somethin.

So Im gonna go now my friend Myreda wants me to come over and I gotta clean first so I don't keep putting it off. Alright. Happy hunting or whatever it is you may be doing now.

Blessings and peace to you

Been a while....I know...

So yeah I haven't been on in a while. Just been busy with work and such. Hope that everyone is doing good. I'm currently just hangin out and goin to work lol. Lot doin a whole lot more than that. Well I am trying to find another job to have as well as what I do now, or a new one that makes more. Not having much luck but oh well. I haven't been able to go to the lake this much, which has been a real bummer because we used to go so much. Oh, well. With the way gas prices are we haven't had the gas for that. And of corse back drive or whatever it is...lol....still has a leak...so the boat is out of commision lol. But I have been thinking about taking a day trip, that would be nice. My way of getting back to nature, my favorite lake nestled in the mountains. But I think I have to wait for that cause I gotta get new tires and possibly an alignment on my suv. *Sighs* Hopefully I can go before summers over.

well anyways, I've rambled enough. Have a good one.

Woowee It has been a while....

So I took sometime to find myself. Did a little research to find out who and what I am in this community. Thanks to some of you on here and others from other LJ communities, I had a plethera of links for research.

It feels good to say that I am a wolf Therian! Not only to say it, but understand what it means. As far as lingo goes I'm probably still in the dark about that haha. Once I found I knew what I am, I dug out my old books on wolves and even looked up Arctic wolves to see it that is still my flavor and I am happy to report that, that hasn't changed. I really hoped it wouldn't.

I was going to post this sooner but I got busy with work and spent some time with friends, whom I would love to tell this to, but I think they would look at me and be like 'You've read too many werewolf books girl.' LoL When I'm ready I will tell them. Now while I was out with them one night, we go ghost hunting, we were at a park, sadly as a sensitive I didn't pick up on any spirits, BUT I had an awakening of sorts! See even after I did all my research I felt there was something missing that maybe I'm just someone who really loves wolves and dreams of being one. So I'm out in the park, it's really late, we pass the botanic gardens, I'm talkin to my friend and I hear something like an animal, I tilt my head to better listen and she's like 'what is it' I shrug my shoulder and keep walking all the while I hear a little animal scurring about, the crunching of their shoes seems louder.  I can smell things like food from the near by apartments, the freshly cut grass and a squirrel. I get home and I'm tryin to figure this out. I'm rackin my brain tryin to figure out what happened and it comes to me, I had a mental shift! I practicaly danced around my room! I wanted to call someone, anyone but sadly they'd think I was crazy. Yeah, like I was gonna tell them that when I was going through the long stretch of tree and they thought I had a feeling, I was really hunting that squirrel, not cool. Haha don't think so LoL. *sighs* I need some therian friends.

Now I can tell when I have a mental shift because my personality seems different, I'm a lot edgier and I feel I have more courage when I tap into my animal side. I'm a very friendly person and can be a little too nice sometimes. Most of the time lately since I've really come to terms with it and now I understand it more I'm starting to notice stuff about my personality and some of my actions that I do and it all makes sense to me. *Howls*

Kamali is my nickname, at least my online nickname but if you would prefer to address me as Niki that is fine too. Again thank you for your help in my journey!

Yours
Kamali

Good Evening!

So last night I had a great run and even got a little wet...hehe. There's a park by my house and the sprinklers were going on one part of it and I'm not afraid of a little water...hence the reason I like to dance in the rain while everyone is clamering to get inside. Ooo and I also scared someone *howls* haha it was great. I didn't start running right away because I had to put my hair up, well then I started and I jumped off the side walk onto the street and this guy goes "geeze why did you do that" ummm cause I was running and I felt like it. What was I supposed to do shout out "Okay I'm running now and I'm going to jump off the sidewalk so if anyone is around the corner be prepared." Ummm how about no. It was 1 in the morning I wasn't about to make my presence known. I have to admit I hate that I couldn't see his face that would have been priceless. hehe. 

Today hasn't been very eventful. Didn't have to go to work, but had to clean the house...which is always so much fun! Yeah sure. Not sure what I work tomorrow but I will check. I have Saturday off and will be going to my older brother's, girlfriend's, parent's wedding reception....whew that must be confusing to read.

I think I might go for another run tonight as well, that felt very good and made me very tired. Oooo I almost forgot to mention the event of the night. So I got back from my run, had a piece of pizza and was gonna go to bed, my youngest brother knocks on my door....I have 3 brothers; one older and two younger....Our friend Britney was at the bar and needed a ride, so we went and rescued Britney at like 2 in the morning lol. What a good friend I am...seriously I would do anything for my friends it's the wolf in me. 

Well I have done enough rambling for today. Hope all is well.

Blessings and peace to you
Kamamli

Well this is it for me....

 I believe I have spent enough time on the computer. I really need to go for a run before it gets too early and people start waking up. I don't live in the city thankfully, but living in a suburb of the city is just as bad. So I'm going to go for my run and feel better!!! *howls* Hopefully it will make me tired and ready for bed....ha would that be great, but I think not....I'll probably still be wide awake.

Well I will talk with everyone tomorrow!! Good nite and good dreams!!!

Blessings and peace to you
Kamali

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Okay first off I cannot believe that they don't list "Frisky" as one of the moods on here!!! *sighs* I'll just have to look for a good one.
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My heart is pulling at my chest. Knocking on the walls of my mind. I came into the clearing for a while. Somehow I thought I made it through the cold. Then like rush of waves on the shore it came crashing back. It sucumbs me. Forcing me to go down with it everytime. And everytime, just like the rest I go down. Yet still I fight it. Wanting to prove to myself that I can. But it's too strong for me, so I let go. Let go just like every other time. When will it stop, this pain in my heart. When will it stop, this fever in my soul.

I know now that there is someone out there for me. That I must wait patiently for you. And when you finally come, "We can live like Jack and Sally if we want. Where you can always find me and we'll have halloween on christmas, and in the night we'll wish this never ends."*

But at the same time it's hard to just live. To wake up every morning and breathe. I tell my secrets to the man in the moon and he keeps them. Only he knows what my heart feels in the dead of the night. There are nights when it seems that I can't breathe and all I can do is stare at the walls. There are nights when I image someone holding me, comforting me in the night. But just like everynight I fall asleep alone.

So tonight I'll tell myself that I can sleep. I'll tell myself that I remember how to sleep. That I remember what it was like when I was younger. That I remember how to close my eyes and sleep. And tonight I will tell myself to breathe. Remind myself that I know how to breathe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ahhh Mischievous works *howls*

Blessings and peace to you
Kamali

*exert from "I Miss You" by Blink 182

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Poem: Untitled

I feel like posting more of my poetry.

This is one of those poems that is just amazing and you just can't think of a title that would be good enough for it. 
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Sometimes when you think that no one is listening a voice comes from out of the darkness. It's in that voice that you find the light. And sometimes there is no will left to follow that voice, yes sometimes you drown in yourself. It's like a great wall spreading around you leaving you with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. But can you truely hide from what is in your soul, that part of you that is screaming to be free? I ask you can you run from yourself?

There's a child in all of us that is screaming for a hand to hold, the part of us that we left behind as we got older. Lost in eternal darkness is that part of us, afraid of the dark and so alone. There's so much pain, so much sadness to witness. There almost has to be another universe that you create to escape the horror of it all. To turn to when all that is dark in the world comes in on you.

So many times we find ourselves leaning on that which we think can save us. Only you can save yourself from the darkness in your soul.

Screaming in the dark, reaching out for someone to save you, you find all is lost and no one near to hear your cries in the dead of the night. Wake up you scream to yourself...to anyone who can hear. But no one can hear you when you're dreaming in the night. No one can hear you when you're screaming inside your head.
 

Blessings and peace to you
~Kamali
 

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Hello there....

So I am bored and can't go to sleep. Thankfully I have no work tomorrow so can be on as much as I would like. 

I went to the park with some friends, didn't like the whole in the city thing, it was a large park in Denver, I think I might go running a little later! I have the jitters and.....drumroll please....think I might have had my first mental shift!!!! *howls* Not sure yet though, might have just been my over imaginative mind haha it does that to me.

So yeah, the full moon is beautiful tonight, here in good 'ol Colorado. Hope that ya'll are having an equally wonderful and event filled night! I'm definately going to stay on for just a bit and then going running and might come back on after that....not sure yet, I'll see how I feel.

god bless
Kamali

Time for some shut eye....

Although this moon is really beckoning me...hehe. But I shall get to bed as much as I would love to go run, it is 1:30 in the am and I have work at 9am....not a good idea....sometimes human things make me sick but oh well.

I have been getting great assisstance in my search for me *howls* The people in the communities are wonderful! I hope to come on soon and have a real good sense of who and what I am!!! But for right now I am satisfied!

Well goodnite lovies!

Kamali